D:

2010-01-10T00:52:00.002+08:00

have been working recently . so damn tired man . just got my pay today and it was fucking little . and omg , o lvls results are coming out soon . wondering how will my results be . hoping that i can get into the courses i want and all . at the same time , im scared that i will get bad results and everything i planned will be gone . so nervous man . tml going for shopping and steamboat . wheee ~ im tired . think im gonna slp soon . gonna slp like a pig today and tml i can wake up as late as i want to . x)

2009-11-15T06:07:00.003+08:00

long time never update alr . finally o's are over and now , im hoping to get a job soon .
anw , this post is to you , you know who you are if you're reading this . this post is not a post to you as your whoever . its just about what i wanna say . ppl can ka jiaowei or whatsoever about me and you actually listen to them . im not the only one who noticed you changed . ever since you've been closer to your so called "brothers" esp 2 of them , everything about you changed . towards everybody who cares or cared about you . you treat everybody who truely cares about you like devils and those who influences you in a bad way the angel . if you're so affected by them , why not just let them live your life . since every decision you make concerns them . you have a new gf . so what ? i no longer care . you changed number , or so i heard . but so what ? it doesnt concern me . you blame my brother for telling me you're in hospital and bringing me there . if you're pissed of about it , why didnt you tell it right in his face instead of treating everybody like idiots ? you'll get your just desserts . you make yourself seem like such an angel and make me such a devil . your friends act like an angel in front of everybody but stab them in the back . what kind of friends are those . hahs . im not critisizing every single one of your friends but at least , some or most of them are like this . i know you'll choose to listen to them and take these all as bullshits . so be it . i cant control what you think or what you do . just know that whatever things you do , think before you act . if you think blindly following them and listening to them will do you good , then go ahead . if you think that they're the good guys and we're the bad guys , then fine with it . i cant do anything either . im me and you're you . we not related in anyway , not even as friends as you said . since you're the one who dont even wanna be friends , what else can i say ? you got your life and i got mine . you're not just a jerk and a bastard to me . you're also a fucking asshole who makes a fool of everybody . dont think that everyone's retarded .
just one sentance to describe everything .
you cherish your so called "brothers" more than anything but not your true friends .
learn to cherish the right things before you lose everything and regret .

2009-10-26T01:17:00.002+08:00

went to study again at tamp . hahas . im damn scared for my maths . i scared im gonna fail . hais . my head still hurts man ): anw , there's this very funny thing . he got prank called . and who's 1st person who comes to his mind ? ME ! LOL ! just because the guy said u recently just broke up with a girl right . like please , so many ppl know we broke up alr . anybody who prank calls u , its me who asked them to ? yeah right . u can choose not to believe . i dont care anymore . u can think whatever rubbish u want . since u said frm that day on we go our seperate ways . u dont need me anyway . u have so many girls by ur side uh . for ur o lvls i guess ure gonna fail cause u dont even bother to study . but who cares . who am i to care ? im just a nobody to u . why am i dwelling in the past ? im just making myself miserable . i can live perfectly well without u , maybe even better . ure just a jerk who enjoys flirting around . u will know how i feel soon enough basard (:
ahhh . tml's english paper alr , followed by tuesday maths paper . omg maths T.T maths suck ! i cant fail my o lvls !!! stressed stressed stressed .

2009-10-25T02:34:00.004+08:00

studied at tamp and went serangoon for ktv today :D
anw , girl's 6th sense is really very accurate . now i realise those past 3 months when we were together , i was just living in lies . letting myself drown in ur lies . faithfulness ? all bullshit . im not always paranoid . i'm right about most things . i wont be sad , i know i wont . im not even crying alr . i guess all these made my tears freeze inside alr . pissed off ? yes . sad ? maybe . but tears arent gonna drop cause of u anymore . u're just a jerk who isnt satisfied with what u have . u urself know what u have done behind my back for the past 3 months . i believe in retribution . and u will have urs soon enough ... and bitch , watch ur back . u'll never know who'll be looking for u , since u're such a cheap girl . u shouldnt be working at t1 , u should be working at geylang instead . its much more suitable for u (:
i needa study . im not gonna be like him , not studying for o lvls and planning to fail o lvls . i'll be a much more successful person than him in the future . i'll prove to him , he was wrong to do all those to me .
fucker .
oh yesyes . i knocked my head against some stupid metal thing today and fuck my head was bleeding . now it has a huge bump and it hurts like hell . touching it accidentally or even just combing my hair makes it pain like shit ! ):

2009-10-22T09:20:00.002+08:00

went to sch ytd . they were going through stuffs abt today's science practical . saw andrew on the way to sch . reached sch and saw him . didnt expect to see him in sch . anw , i wouldnt let him affect me anymore . i did fine without him . got back my pen , pencil all those frm him . thanks andrew for helping me take them back . so i guess there's nth more to talk abt between me and him alr . since everything's over , i'm not gonna dwell in the past anymore . since he doesnt bother and his heart aint with me anymore , i'll accept the fact . i have my own friends and own things to care abt , im not gonna let myself be revolving ard him anymore . he's just another guy who passed by my life . no big deal . anw , aft sch went tamp mart to find darl . did maths together with her till abt 6plus 7plus ? yup . then went home . supposed to go study again ltr but ended up , i fell aslp at home . hahs . guess im too tired alr . i've been damn tired recently and idk why .
going for my science practical ltr . im scared and nervous . i dont know if i'll be able to remember what i learnt . ahhhhh ! ):

2009-10-20T00:52:00.001+08:00

asshole , i wont forget what u did . i re gret meeting u , i regret knowing u , i regret steading with u , i regret everything . why the fuck did i know u ? i wasted my past few months on someone who doesnt fucking care . u'll see ... the big change in me . u'll regret . gooodbye sucker _l_

2009-10-19T02:14:00.001+08:00

met angeline at tamp mall today . aft that went to buy card for him and studied till abt 7plus . went home ate abit then fell aslp on the sofa . i had a nightmare of him with another girl . idk why am i dreaming of this kinda thing ):
tml gonna go amk find angeline study again .

2009-10-18T04:35:00.002+08:00

i just found out u're in hospital , just finished operation ... somehow im scared to go visit u . do u even wanna see me ? what if u're agitated after seeing me ? really hope that u'll takecare of urself . no matter what , i'll be here ...

2009-10-16T09:19:00.001+08:00

Don't Go Away

Looking through your eyes
There’s nothing to hide
And you’re no longer mine
How could I survive
When you say goodbye
Why do birds still fly up high

Can’t stop the tears from falling
We used to be so fine
When you walk in to my life
I tried to reach out for you
Just to be with you
My heart is breaking

[Chorus]
Don’t, don’t go away
Baby don’t you know I miss you so
Don’t, don’t go away
I’ve never been on my own before

Wooh Oh
Can't you hear me just take me with you
So don’t, don’t go away

[Chorus]
Don’t, don’t go away
Baby don’t you know I miss you so
Don’t, don’t go away
I’ve never been on my own before
So won't you feel my heart beat once more

2009-10-16T04:44:00.002+08:00

wtf man . unknown number calling me these pass few days . calling and not talking then kup the phone . and just called again . im wondering who can it be ...
hmm ...?

2009-10-16T04:24:00.004+08:00

went sch today aft going chalet for past 2 days , drinking and mahjong-ing . actually didnt want to go sch today but he said he's at sch and he's gonna leave my things there so ended up going sch . reached there at 1plus . saw him smoking with others on the way up to class but didnt go over to say hi . cause i think he wont want to see me anw , so nvm ... anw , went up to get my stuff he left at my cupboard then went down to sit down and smoke outside mac . was thinking of quite a lot of things . but i guess i wasted my brain cells . it's alr so crystal clear that he doesnt want anything related to me anymore and he doesnt care . most importantly , i know for sure that he doesnt love me anymore . at least , thats what he told charmian . not even a bit of hesistation . just a direct maybe not and no . i really cant believe it . how can someone let go of a relationship so easily ? unless , right frm the beginning , he didnt love me at all . i was hoping he wouldn't give her that answer , though i roughly know that would be the answer . even the tiny little bit of hope was lost . i should really disappear frm his life alr , it's better for me to be gone for good i guess ... sorry for loving u .
o lvl science practical is nxt week . and following week is english and maths . HELPPPPP !!! i need help on maths and chem !!! anyone free to study with me for these few weeks ? i'm just hoping i can really concentrate on studying for my o's .

2009-10-12T22:50:00.002+08:00

perhaps everyone's right , i shouldnt put my everything into relationships . i'll end up hurting myself . wounds dont heal overnight , especially when it's been left to bleed for so long and no one can stop the bleeding . it really hurts deeply inside . u may not like me go drinking , u may think that im just trying to make u mad . but i'll tell u now , i'm not trying to make u mad . i went to drink . yeah . why ? cause i was feeling really bad . i felt like i wanna shout everything out , i wanna cry everything out . but i cant . i know when i was drinking ytd , i was shouting like mad and crying like some crazy woman . thats really the first time i cried till like that . crying and screaming at the same time . if u think that everything's my fault then so be it bah . previously when i tried to talk to u , u wouldn't even wanna talk . u just brushed me aside and told me there's nth for us to talk about . idk if it's over between us now or not . all i know is , the more i care the more i'll hurt myself . because it seems like u dont care anymore . maybe u care ? i have no idea . u've completely changed . u seem to care at times but other times , its like u just cant be bothered . what am i supposed to do ? what do u want ? what did i do wrong ? i'm confused . the only thing i know is that i needa study for my o lvls . maybe studying will keep my mind off u . i suppose thats the only way bah .
takecare of urself when im not ard u . dont smoke too much and drink more water . u're always coughing till blood come out . maybe it's time for others to takecare of u alr . perhaps i've alr been replaced by someone else in ur heart . im not anyhow thinking , its just a possibility . anyway , just take good care of yourself . those memories we had will stay with me ...

2009-10-11T22:45:00.002+08:00

that song describes my feeling perfectly . hahs . i'll be fine . i'm not gonna bother u anymore . u'll live ur life and i'll live mine . we wont cross paths again i suppose . sch's just for revision now . and aft this 2 more weeks it'll be byebye . i'm not gonna linger in the past anymore . u aren't the guy i knew in the past . just barely 3months and u're acting like that alr . i've got nothing to say . i guess u wont even care anymore , since u asked me to give u a break , i'm gonna give u a break from me forever bah . u urself said u no longer love me as much as before . actually i should have trusted my 6th sense . u no longer send me home like before , no longer text me as long as before , no longer call me every now and then , no longer wanna meet me . all i can say is that u've changed . maybe ur heart is with someone else alr . i have no idea . i'm not gonna be weak . i'm not gonna cry and beg u not to leave . u said u've had enough , what about me ? 1 more hr to our 3rd month . oops . no more 3rd month . i think u're gonna find another girl soon eys ? since u have so many girls around u . hahaha .
i wanna be free for this week and not think about anything .
going out to drink now . guess what ? i know u dont care . BYEBYE ! :D

2009-10-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

Westlife - Fool Again

Baby, I know the story,
I've seen the picture,
it's written all over your face
Tell me, what's the secret that you've been hiding?
And who's gonna take my place?
I should have seen it coming,
I should have read the signs
Anyway, I guess it's over

Chorus:
Can't believe that I'm a fool again
I thought this love would never end,
how was I to know?
You never told me
Can't believe that I'm a fool again,
and I who thought you were my friend,
how was I to know?
You never told me

Baby, you should've called me,
when you were lonely,
when you needed me to be there
Sadly, you never gave me
too many chances to show you
how much I care
Ooh, should have seen it coming,
I should have read the signs
Anyway, I guess it's over

Chorus

About the pain and the tears
Ooh, If I could,
I would, turn back the time
Ooh yeah I should have seen it coming
I should have read the signs
Anyway, I guess it's over

Chorus to fade

2009-10-10T03:04:00.002+08:00

i aint feeling good . i dont understand why can he not meet me for almost a week and his smses are forever so short . and there're other stuffs too . why am i getting this weird kind of feeling ? stress ? i have no idea . i dont wanna have this feeling . its making me feel damn fucked up ):

2009-10-05T17:15:00.002+08:00

i realise im getting giddy more often these few days , and my headaches are back again ... like wtf . i hate this man . i dont wanna go have blood test again and i dont wanna go hospital ): im tired and worn out by everything ...

2009-10-05T17:00:00.001+08:00

aint feeling good ... both physically and mentally ):
i've seen thru people alr . all made up of lies . if u think im talking abt u , then i am .
i finally went to sch today but only had 1 lesson , geog . im lazy to type alr . shall post again soon .

2009-09-21T04:12:00.004+08:00

idk whats happening between us . ever since that day when u went for songka last min . i dont blame u cause i understand and i know that its not ur fault . but there's this feeling that cant be described . i have to find ppl to accompany me last min . then when i was like happy to meet u at raiders alr , u told me tml's sentosa u cant go and u told me to go with ur friends . i know thats important and u can skip it but i dont really know ur friends and dont really have anything to talk to them about . wouldnt it be weird if i went with them ? then that night , u told me u were going to find ur friend awhile before going bee's hse for mahjong . but ended up tonning there and couldnt go for mahjong . i wanted to go mahjong not cause i wanted to gamble . i wanted to release all my frustrations on mahjong , but i didnt even get the chance to do that . i didnt mean to show any attitude that day . i just didnt want to talk . i was afraid that if i really did talk , i'll shout at u or sth . i ate that big tub of icecream to cool myself down too , but i guess its all still stuck inside all bottled inside me .
the nxt day , we both couldnt wake up to go out so we stayed at home the whole day . it was until at midnight , when i was hungry , suddenly u told me we were going to grandlink . it was like so far and i didnt plan to go so far . i still have to go back tamp the nxt day for my sister's birthday . then u told me wont be too late . in the end we reached amk at 6plus . by the time we were slping it was 7plus , 8 plus alr . when we were at grandlink , i had a bit of gastric alr . i think u didnt know yeah ? then when we were slping , u said some things . i think u should know what im talking abt . maybe im paranoid or sth . but im a girl and those things that happened previously , it hadnt completely gotten off my mind . it still lingers in my mind . saying those things will only make me think abt it again . hais .
went back to tamp bringing all my things back the nxt day , for my sister's birthday . thanks baby for buying the present for my sister . thought u were going for the dinner with me when u told me u're going tamp with me . but in the end u told me u're not going . even when my mum asked me to call u come for dinner , u refused . its not that i wanna blame u or anything . but just that , if i can go ur hse and talk to ur mum all that , why cant u ? she's my mum . as a girl's mum , it's natural for her to be curious and wants to talk to her boyfriend . and u thought i was giving u some kind of attitude ...
i dont want to either . its just that i keep bottling everything inside cause i dont wanna quarrel . i thought that by keeping everything inside , nothing will happen . little did i know that by doing that , im just making us drift apart . sometimes its not that i dont wanna tell u how i feel . perhaps its because i want u to figure it out yourself ? or perhaps its because i dont know how to say it out bah ...
just now u went back amk for some meeting , u told me u'll msg me aft the meeting . but aft 3hrs , then u msged me . i thought u were at meeting for 3hrs so i asked u , to think that u talked to me in such a pekcek tone . u went to eat aft meeting and u didnt msg me to tell me anything . hais . then u went sengkang . u told me u werent going to ton but u were still at sengkang at 2am . u told me u were going to take the last bus back . but ... hais . when i msged u , u replied and stop replying halfway . i dont even know what u're doing outside , dont know if u're at home alr , dont know if u've eaten , idk anything ...
hais , im having headache now but i cant slp ):
dont wanna cry anymore ....

2009-09-16T02:32:00.002+08:00

currently not feeling well >.< i'm getting headaches and giddy spells again . plus , i'm having stomachaches . thanks baby for bringing me to the doctors just now . ily loads . fucked up man . my family is fucked up , health's fucked up ): save me pls ? lols ! i'm having 2 days off frm sch , cause i dont take poa x) hahas . had geog prelims today . screwed up . i didnt have enough time to finish the paper . sadddddddddd ! i miss my baby . hehs .

2009-09-16T01:40:00.032+08:00

sentosa's trip [5th sept] :D

pictures as promised . sentosa with baby , xiaoboy and co . baby was so afraid of the water . HAHA ! look at baby's jiaobin in the last pic x) i loveeeeeeeee my baby !

2009-09-10T18:35:00.002+08:00

been spending these few days at baby's hse . i can practically live there alr lor . hahas .
everything i need all at his hse liao exept for clothes >.< went sentosa last saturday . had lots of fun there . and took quite a lot of pics there . baby's jiaobin ! haha ! will upload pictures soon :D
went for his gan jie's baby full month on sunday . then met xiaoboy at sengkang there . then i kinda forgot where i went on monday and tuesday . stm uh . hees .
ytd went kbox with baby and xiaoboy . brother had tagging so we left at 7plus . then went back to amk . baby dota with his friends at raiders then went home aft that . baby left my cigg at dont know where and i ended up smoking reds ): supposed to meet his friends again aft we bath but they all went back home =.= went downstairs to buy cigg . i can buy sia ~ at 7-11 . hahas . went to eat then go home . baby dota again . zzz . then i was playing his hp game .
then now , baby's out with xiaoboy at tamp . leaving me at his hse to rot . lols . ah fuck im sick ): flu with on and off fever . h1n1 ? :o think not , hope not .
im hungryyyyyy T.T waiting for baby to faster come back and deliver food back . hehes .

2009-09-08T04:55:00.002+08:00

my dear sister . dont be sad alrights ? cheer up . just like what u told me the other time . guys aint worth it . why bother to be sad over others ? we live for ourselves , not for guys right ? rmb those times we used to sit at daddy's hse outside ? then talk cock all that . we always had problems with relationships then . now that daddy's inside , we're having problems too but he isn't here for us now . we must be strong . still rmb last yr , we sat outside daddy's hse seh . then i was laughing like mad and u were crying like siao . hahas . those stupid but memorable times . i know its difficult to keep urself happy . we always go through the same thing rmb ? our relationships always seem to have similar problems . aft those relationships we've gone through , we're still stupid enough to let ourself get hurt all over again . but girls are always like that . daddy's gonna come out nxt yr bah . must let him come out see us happy happy mah . he's always there counselling us . u told me to na de qi fang de xia , u also mah . we're alike in so many ways so we understand each other well . u posted a post for me the other time when i had problems in my relationship , this is a post back to u . cheer up kay sister ? nxt time meet u must see u happy lei . dont cause of him make urself sad like the past okay ? :D

2009-09-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

had maths paper 1 prelims today . fucking difficult . i think im gonna fail ): hahs . tml gonna have maths paper2 and bio/chem dk which paper . damn shit sia . need to wait 3hrs in between for the nxt paper . wondering what to do within that 3hrs . hmms ? suggestions ? lols .

2009-09-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

happy birthday baby ♥♥ !
hope u had fun today (: today had celebrations for baby in sch . wanted to buy bday card but i didnt have enough time . sry baby . aft english prelims went to cut cake and threw cake at bengzhan . hahaha . damn funny . aft that baby went back tamp with me . saw carol sister at xcraft working , bought a barbell and went to watch movie with baby . hahas baby in cinema sibei cute sia . open marshmallow till so funny >.< i had fun today . was really happy spending the day with baby (:
happy bday to xiaowen and bengzhan too (:

1st sept

woken up by baby at 12 . bathed and prepared to go vivo . went to serangoon mrt to wait for xiaoboy and others then trained to vivo . went to find to carol sister awhile . turned out she was working at vivo too . hahas . so coincidental . went to eat sushi teh with them . wah sibei ex sia . everybody ate abit only and the bill was $75+ . supposed to watch movie but in the end didnt . aft eating , went bugis junction , street and iluma walk walk . then went back amk with baby . baby sooooooooo sweet man . was looking inside flower shop at the teddy bears and baby actually bought one for me . ily baby >.< then baby went for dota with ahb , yilong and others while i audi-ed and watched fated to love you . then bus-ed home :D was msging baby halfway and he fell aslp . lols . baby piggy ! did mask and i actually fell aslp while waiting for it to dry . hahas . mummy woke up at ard 3am and helped me peel it off . thanks mummy !

31st aug

happy birthday to me ! thanks for the birthday wishes frm everyone . hahas . thanks cousin , aunty and mummy for the angbaos . went to sch late today . hahas . thanks kaishi for the piglet :D aft sch , i had a complete surprise . i was shocked . he was holding a cake , all lighted up and walking into the class till right in front of me . he even gave me a bday card . i was so touched . thanks a lot . at night , went century square for dinner with mummy and sis . then ard midnight , cabbed down to bishan park to drink with him and his friends . patched with him today . was so fucking happy and kinda shocked too . hahas . there was this guy damn cute . vomitted so many times . lols ! waited for that guy to board cab then went to buy cigg and cabbed to baby's hse to slp . enjoyed myself today x) baby ily ily ily !

2009-08-30T01:11:00.000+08:00

hais . having severe headache and giddy spells . feel like vomitting too and idk why ...
you're having ur celebrations at amk and enjoying youself i suppose . have a happy birthday party alrights ? i'll be just fine all by myself ...

2009-08-28T19:12:00.000+08:00

everything's over now .
i guess im gonna live my life and you're gonna live yours . aft o lvls , i doubt we'll see one another again . good luck for everything yeah ?

2009-08-26T00:10:00.000+08:00

hahs . im having fever now ... 37.8 or 37.9 i think . and i still feel like vomitting sia . hais . i hate this . if only time could rewind back to those times when there were no quarrels , no cold war . but i guess that's kind of impossible alr bah ...
who to blame ? cant blame anybody but myself for this outcome .

2009-08-25T22:25:00.001+08:00

when will things ever go back to the way it was during our 1st month ? hais . im alr doing as much as i can to try and revive this relationship . however , you just act like you cant be bothered with it . these few days , im not the one giving attitude alr but you just dont care about me anymore . at least thats what i see . i dont want things to be this way . why cant we be like before ? days when we were so happy together . is it too late now ? perhaps the problem lies with me bah ? idk ... u asked me to think abt it , i thought abt it and msged you what i really think . and you just replied you dont know . you make me feel as if you're heart is not with me anymore . baby pls dont do this to me ...
oh i just realised i didnt eat anything today . hahs . dont even have the appetite to eat at all .

2009-08-25T18:00:00.000+08:00

things are going back to normal alr i guess . but i feel like he doesnt even wanna talk to me anymore . am i thinking to much ? hais . everything's different now . can we just go back to the past ?

2009-08-24T17:42:00.001+08:00

had school today . hais . the feeling of being ignored is so terrible . i dont like this a tiny bit , not at all . i cant believe you can actually ignore me for the whole of today . im beginning to feel that we're drifting apart . why baby ? i made the first move by talking to you nicely and you talked to me as if im your enemy . when im not being attitude , you just ignored me . do you know how terrible this feeling is ? when i was just trying to pull you away , you asked me not to pull you . i just dont want you to get into trouble , thats all . even when i talked to you , you dont wanna answer me . you can even laugh and enjoy yourself being so happy without even realising what was i feeling . throughout geography lesson , i felt like crying . i dont wanna cry in front of anybody so i held back my tears . i thought you would talked to me in the end . but , even till class ended you didnt even talked to me . you just went on your own . when i walked away , you didnt even bother to ask where was i going or anything . hais , birthday's coming and we're in cold war . i wonder if i'll have a lonely birthday this year ...
i guess i have to take panadol with alcohol again to put myself to slp again bah .
till now , not even a msg or a call frm you . i miss those times when we were happy together , hais . baby ily , do you ...?

2009-08-24T02:56:00.000+08:00

hahas . the panadols are taking effect .
perhaps now i can slp peacefully

2009-08-24T02:30:00.002+08:00

sry sis . i know i shouldnt take alcohol with panadols but i think you know the feeling too . the fucked up feeling . even though i know its not worth it , but hais , we girls are just so stupid . on the surface we're acting strong but actually deep inside we're hurting so much but guys just dont care . they just treat girls as nothing . idk why its always like that . i dont want it to be this way either . hais .
we always go through the same thing . hahs .
thanks sis . i love you and takecare of yourself too alrights ?

2009-08-24T00:59:00.001+08:00

everything changed just like that . you said it's me , not you . you think you're not in a bit wrong ? if you think that way i have nothing to say . it takes two hands to clap alright . what do you treat me as ? do you even love me ? i have no idea cause you dont show it to me . im a girl afterall .
hahs , forget it ... its all my fault . everything's my fault . im in the wrong and you did nothing wrong .
gonna drink till drunk ltr . its easier for me to slp . since you wont bother anyway cause you dont care . tears arent supposed to drip down . i promised myself . over and over again , im breaking the promise i made to myself .

2009-08-23T06:38:00.001+08:00

oh yeah , if you said you're always giving in , why bother saying sorry to me ? arent u saying im always giving u attitude ? hahs . dont give in if u're giving in like u're being forced to .
i dont need that . thankyou very much .

2009-08-23T06:16:00.004+08:00

fucking mad . you said you always give in to me and all and u think im giving u attitude ? fine , dont fucking talk to me then . youre not any better than me . u said i never thought about you ? what about u ?
you fucking selfish asshole . always asking me to go over and find u . asking u come tamp is like asking u to go to hell . u said u wanna be with ur friends . what about me ? i dont have friends ? always asking me go amk and find u . u have friends so do i . i dont have to spend time with my friends ? hahs . and talking to u is just like talking to the wall . i dont even know when do you understand what im saying and when you dont . think about what u do 1st before telling me i give u attitude . did i say anything when u talk to others in class and leaving me alone ? no i didnt . did i say anything during brk time when we all went to smoke and you went over to talk to liyi , maverick and liyi's friend ? no i didnt . did i say anything when i had to go back tamp alone ? walking all alone to the mrt station ? no , i fucking kept quiet . why am i giving u attitude ? because u fucking dont show me that u care . like i told u before the other time , sometimes i feel that u act like we're just friends . you said u'll come tamp once every week to go to sch together . i told u u'll only do this for a few weeks . in the beginning u even wanted to come tamp and go to sch together everyday . hahs . ppl say dont judge a book by its cover , i'll say dont rate how good a book is until u reach the ending because , u'll never know what the whole book is truely about . when i asked u on friday if u wanna go out , you said no , u told me u wanna stay at home cause u wanna save money for nxt wk , our birthday , and chiong maple . in the end ? u went out anw . today supposed go kbox in the end didnt go . who was the one who said he was going home ? it was only like 4plus ? in the end ? you went home at night . just to charge phone only and u went out again . if u think im unreasonable , for all i care , go ahead and think . sometimes i wonder , even though u said u love me , but do u really love me ? i dont even feel the care im supposed to be feeling . the way u talk to me and reply msges , it doesnt even seem like u're my boyfriend . it's like msges to friends or talking to friend .
ah fuck it ! im washing my hands off this matter alr . do what u deem fit . im tired of all this shit .

2009-08-22T03:14:00.002+08:00

im sick of all these shit frm you .
seriously , i am .

2009-08-21T03:51:00.000+08:00

blogger is so dam irritating =.= the format is all wrong . zzz dont know wtf is happening . got my results for chinese o lvl ytd . i got a fucking B3 . im wondering if i should retake . lols . skipped english paper 2 mock exam on tuesday then had chem and bio mock exams on thursday . friday will be maths . fucking maths . argh . oh i was late for bio exams . HAHA . but luckily managed to finish on time . chem was like shit . i was crapping my way throughout the paper . i have a feeling maths will be worse ): i need a tutor for maths T.T
oh hey , guess what ? im back to mapling again . yes maple , that stupid lame game . but it kinda kills the sian-ness . hahas . since tml's the last paper for now , i think i shall zao home aft maths paper x) and maybe go tampines polyclinic for stupid blood test again . doc says i have to take another blood test to test for 3 other things . fucked up man . tuesday just took blood test and the doc actually said my blood count got lower again . the mark is still on my arm and its like blue-black ? o.o
crap im getting headache and giddy spells again . maybe i shd just eat my medicine and go to slp .

2009-08-18T02:03:00.003+08:00

today had mock exam for english paper 1 and geography . fuck it man , i didnt have enough time to finish writing my geography . wtf . tml will be english paper 2 . ah i think im going to be late again tml . hehs . anw , paper starts at 9.50 , so it should be alright .
hais . grandmother , i miss you . i miss those times when u cooked , missed those times when u nagged at me for watching tv for too long , nagged at me asking me to bath . ): i hate this feeling of being lost .

2009-08-17T01:59:00.003+08:00

aft 345687914234 months im blogging again . hahs .
currently studying for my o's this yr . hopefully i can pass it and get into poly nxt yr . my cousins came singapore for holidays and they're going to come here and study . living in my hse . so much things happened since the last time i blogged . tml's geography and english mock exam . pls let me do well for the papers .

2008-11-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

guys are confusing .
im confused . fucked up . complicated guys . i dont know what to do . tell me what to do will u ? ):

2008-10-13T20:53:00.002+08:00

2 days never go home alr siol . hahs . the day before went bukit gombak ton . then ytd went sentosa with daddy , mummy , annais , weiming didi and alot others . then aft that sth happened . met alvin at vivo . then went dhoby to take his stupid cigg then went back tamp . then ard 3+ go back home liao .
ar fuck ! my nose and shoulder got sunburn . D:

2008-10-08T20:56:00.002+08:00

dowan seh alr . lols .
everytime after seh the nxt day or nxt 2 days will headache then vomit . hahs . for now i'll stop bah . :D as long as youre happy , even if it hurts me , its okay . (: takecare of yourself and treat her well yeah ? i'll be alright . i'll force myself to get over u . i cried for loads of times cause of u . everytime i rmb anything about us , i'll cry for nth . how stupid of me eys . i'll be strong . im a strong girl . i can live without you .

2008-10-07T04:00:00.002+08:00

am at lan shop now . lols .
just now at night went to find daddy & mummy . then followed by going down to 100+ there find carol sister . then some stupid stupid things happened between she and casper again . then blah blah blah . in the end i seh . LOL ! again . ytd seh then today seh again . i think im going crazy siol . last time keep telling him dont seh dont seh . nowadays i keep seh . hahs .
i think im crazy man . i still wanna see him and go his court even though he's so bastard to me . but hais . if i dont go he happier , then i dont go bah . as long as he's happy jiu okay le . (:
dont even know when will be the last day i'll be see-ing those tags ... even though they are just tags , it still meant something to me . i know . im stupid . im stupid enough to still think about a guy even though he did such things to me and made me become this way . hahas . how crazy i am man .
love just sucks !!! x/333

2008-10-06T17:57:00.002+08:00

seh again ytd . dont know for fuck also . wanted to go his court but didnt . cause i thought of what she said . she said he doesnt want to see me there on his nxt court . if this will make him happier then so be it . even though i wanted to go but yeah i didnt . im very confused . everybody tells me to let go and move on . but its not that easy . idk why the fuck a 2wk relationship can make me feel this way . the feeling is like ... hais . the only time i really can not think about all these things is when i seh . im stupid . yeah i know . for a guy who's not even worth it , i go seh . waste money and harm my body only . lols . but besides doing this . idk what else can i do alr . i dont wanna continue this way anymore . can u tell me what to do ???? teach me how to forget . T.T this thing , my private o lvls nxt yr , the money that i need . )): how the fuck am i supposed to get the money if i spend money like this man . hais . fucked up . what am i supposed to do ? why is this happening to me ???

2008-10-05T03:38:00.000+08:00

who's telling the truth ? who's not ? im confused . some tell me one story , the other tell me another . who am i supposed to trust ? hais . i miss him . why is this happening to me ? i dont wanna be sad anymore . i wanna seh . i wanna forget everything . i just wanna be happy . even for that short moment of time . i know he's not worth it . but i chose this path , i will go thru it myself . even if nobody will be there for me in the end , i dont mind . i chose this way . i know u wouldnt care because in your heart , u only have her . dont deny cause u cant lie to yourself . u yourself know the answer . there's no point in lying to me again . u told me u will slowly let her go . in the end ? hah . idk why am i writing about this again . i think im gonna go crazy soon . i wanna be like last time . but i know its impossible , really impossible ... hais .
everybody's living in world of lies and deception x/3

2008-10-04T00:51:00.002+08:00

to somebody :
today u got bailed out . then she asked u to call me so that u can explain everything properly to me . yeah , i did get some answers . but after that very little bit of answers , all u said was dont know dont know . u maybe confused yourself also . but if youre confused , what about the others ? youre sorry . i know thats the only thing you can say , cause there's nth else u can do alr . i dont hate u . i only hate u for the things that u do . youre the first guy who ever really pushed me till i go seh . i really dont wanna think about anymore of this . i just wanna seh till i wake up frm everything . no its not your fault . i chose this path . i'll bear the consequences . i think till i dont wanna think . cried till i dont know what am i crying for alr . monday will be your court . even though we're no longer talking to each other . and i know u wont wanna talk to me ever again , but still , good luck for your court on monday .

i love you for the memories ,
but i hate u for the things that u did .
let memories be memories ; the past be the past .
maybe when u come out , you'll find the right one and maybe wont do such things anymore . goodbye my love-ED . x/3

2008-09-30T17:29:00.002+08:00

love sucks man .
why must i get all these sia ? i wanna know answers and explainations ! but i cant get any . why why why ? i just wanna know everything . even if its good or bad , i still wanna know . at least i'll know what to do then . now , im just hanging onto nothing but memories with him . alot of ppl ask me to forget about him and he's not worth it . telling me i can find better guys . but its just not that easy to let go . even though its only a short relationship , but he's the first guy i ever felt like this before . maybe patching with him made me fall even deeper . hais . what should i do ? what can i do other than waiting and waiting and waiting . waiting for the day that i can talk to him and know every single fucking thing . i dont even know when the day will come .
i've been dreaming about him almost everyday ; good things and even bad things　. thinking about him almost everyday everywhere . can somebody save me from all these ? this is a torture sia . ):

2008-09-27T19:25:00.000+08:00

went his court ytd .
then quite alot of things happened also . dont know how to say luh . hais . very confusing . and i thoght i told myself i'll forget about him aft the court . but in the end ... ):
these few days keep on very tired sia . maybe im gonna sleep till i die 1 day eys ? LOL .

2008-09-17T01:09:00.001+08:00

fucked up blog . knn .

2008-09-17T00:32:00.012+08:00

this post will be dedicated to all my past memories with him .
those were pictures on 30th august , a day before my birthday . to think that he was so sweet to buy me a birthday cake and celebrating it for me and few days ltr he even bought 2 piglets for me even after we broke up . so sweet of him right ? but those were in the past yeah ? as much as i want the past to come back , it wont .

this was the day we patched back . it took me courage to trust that you would change for the better . i hoped that we would last long . but i was wrong ? everything was just a beautiful dream . all those promises you made were lies . all those beautiful lies of yours . your lies made me happy , but now , it made me disappointed . i dont understand . why did u do such hurtful things ? if you wanted to break with me to be back with your ex , i understand . but why ? why do you have to time us ? not only 2 of us . there are still others . what do you take us as ? your toys ? we have feelings too you know ? you know how heartbroken it is to know the truth ? its the same for her . we both cried like fuck for you . i dont know why am i crying for you . its only 2weeks . how deep can i fall in love with you ? i really dont get it . how can i cry for you so much ? i even got so stressed up i didnt know what i was doing . this is the 1st time i ever had this feeling . its so torturing . heart pain became physically pain . after thinking so much , i get headache . what for i think ? i dont wanna think about it too . but it just comes to my mind . i dont know the reason also . 26th will be your court . i know it will be the last time i'll be see-ing you if i go . i guess i'll say the last goodbye ?

on huifen's birthday bbq , at pasir ris , i did all these . for what ? cause i miss him . at that time , i didnt know he 4timed us . i only know he got caught by police . and i was worried like fuck . how stupid was i . there i was , worried for him and he 4timed me . hahs . im such a stupid brainless asshole . after this post , there wont be anymore pictures about him on my blog anymore . hais . its so fucking sad . how can a guy that treats me so good do such fucking things to me ? i dont get it . i seriously dont . <>

2008-09-16T17:37:00.001+08:00

so , i got back my hp ytd . yay ! =.= went out with homo ytd . thanks for being there yeah ? went to watch movie then aft that went back to tamp . was emo all the way . crying for no fucking reason . thanks to who ? him . i shall post all the pics with him ltr . memories bah . his court will be the last goodbye . last time i'll ever be seeing him . i dont care if im gonna cry or what . at least i wont regret . i know i wont . i should bury all my memories with him . its only 2wks . how much memories can there be . right ...? i can get over this . im a strong girl . i wont shed my tears cause of a bastard like him . okay , anw i shall post again ltr . going down to meet carol . (:

2008-09-14T22:32:00.002+08:00

when was the last time i really laughed ? i forgot . seriously . i only remember me being happy ard you . i was so worried when u told me u went in . but to think that u have so many girls . what else can i do but to laugh at myself ? for being so stupid . all those tears i cried for u . all those times together . even though it wasnt longer than you and her . but still . i thought you were different . but . hais . i was wrong bah . i'll go your court hearing with yuxin . but , it'll be different eys ?

goodbye my love .
goodbye my laughter .

2008-09-14T16:50:00.002+08:00

hais .
so he 2-timed me . what should i do ? idk . i really didnt expect him to do this . nobody did . i trusted him . i trusted his words when he said he wont patch with his ex . he gae me his word . but i guess those were all lies . fucking lies that guys say . is there anything about guys that can be trusted ? i decided to go with him , but in the end ? was it worth it ? i could have went with ****** .
then i wonldnt be feeling like this now . hais . i wont regret . there's no use regretting . it cant make things any better . im just sad . why am i so stupid ? always making the wrong choices . hais . im a fucking stupid girl . D:

2008-09-13T12:42:00.002+08:00

baby .
where are you ? pls pls pls be alright . T.T i dont want anything to happen to you . i havent seen you for such a long time alr . i dont wanna see u go in )): i miss you baby . i really do . i dont even know where are you , what are you doing . what a fucking girlfriend i am . im very stressed up . what if you really go in ? shd i wait for you ? what if its 3yrs 4yrs ? by then i'll be how old alr ? you'll be how old alr ? what's gonna happen ? hais .

******
im sorry .
i didnt mean to hurt you .
yes i do like you .
but i love my bf .
hais .
i cant believe i'll be in such a
situation .
i really do like u .

2008-09-09T15:47:00.002+08:00

what the fuck is wrong with u man ?
just cause i said i was bored and i talked to u . tmd . like that also got wrong ? _l_ pcb . machiam i offend u or what shit like that . cb . dont talk then dont talk larh . i wont die without talking to u eys ? im happy not talking to u . curse u in all your relationships luh . omg i think im so mean . aww , but too bad . you were the one who's unreasonable first . im just doing what u did :D you cant blame me . HAHA . after knowing u since last time , to think that u'll become like that . lols ! i cant believe it . u're such a fucker . can i like slap the shit out of u ? LOL !

2008-08-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

i'll be online less often due to work . so anything can contact me thru hp . :D
these few days have been working . so i have no time to use com . hehs . morning work work work . all the way till at night . im tiredddddddddddd alr . nitessssssssss . x.x

2008-08-13T22:16:00.002+08:00

im like fucking dulan now , aft seeing XXX's friendster . what kind of fucking sister is she man . tmd .

2008-08-12T22:25:00.001+08:00

girlfriend !
see i blogged ! :x i miss you luh . so long never meet up alr . hehs . never jio me out de ! >.< find 1 day must must must go out together uhs . ily ! x3
anw , im not schooling alr . im starting work this friday ;D then i can pay for my private o lvl fees nxt yr . hahas .

2008-08-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

blahhhhh , so many things happened D:
stressed up , fucked up . gahh .

2008-08-04T23:03:00.002+08:00

tmd . fucking chee bye . just reach home havent even eat whole day then dont know who the fuck call my hse di siao siao . cause of that i quarrel with my mum then nth to eat . _l_ whoever those guys were , curse u kena bang by car when u go out , choke on food when u eat , drink water also choke , go anywhere also sth bad happen to u . knn . just reach home only get lj phone call . hongkan larh . u ppl how old alr ? bo liao izzit ? call ppl to make him/her dulan . fuck off larh . u want play so much geylang alot girls give u play till u happy larh . anyhow call ppl's hse . u think what ? u who ? my mother izzit ? nth better to do go home drink milk luh . thanks alot larh . thanks for making me have gastric and nth to eat . thanks for spoiling my mood to study for ca tml . thanks alot FUCKERS .

2008-07-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

yes yes yes ! my com okay alr . :DDDD
hehs . finally can on9 go msn and fs le . soooo happy siol . x.x uploaded pics on fs then replied tags alr . (((:
YAYYYY ~ im single !

2008-07-09T00:00:00.002+08:00

im boreddddddddddd !
at friend's house . tml dont know can get to sch on time anot sia . i absent alr i jialad alr . sian . why must have probation period for 1mth siol . DD: i must guai guai for 1 mth bodoh .
anw , my blog is like dead . =.= my fucking com spoilt and i cant update lorh . irritating computer . tmd . dulan wan lorh . cb . keep spoil . zzz . i want punch the com lorh . make me so pissed . )):

2008-06-21T23:10:00.002+08:00

HELLO ASHLEY !
SEE I BLOGGED !
okay anw , im at parklane lan . playing foc . :D lols . my fucking com arh . sot wan , always spoil . fuck sia . at home want use com also cannot use . DD: went shopping few days ago . bought blue skinnys , slipper , black shorts , black cardi , a top and nth liao . i think . x) then wilson went msia . buying me my chewing gum . :D tml coming back liao . sian monday need go sch alr . new sch somemore . wear old sch uniform so qi guai lorh . =.= anybody knows how to fix com ????????? help me fix mine lehhhhhhhhhhh . arbo i at home always cannot use com . dam sad wan lorh . ):

2008-06-11T19:59:00.003+08:00

com spoilt againnnnnnnnnnn ! fucked up bodoh .
anw , thanks for those who tagged . x3 strawberry , girlfriend . :D the post i never even write anybody's name eys ? u all say its obvious , but it can be anybody's name marh . rite ? and urh . this 1 my blog rite ? i want post things also got wrong meh ? =.=''' and , x.snow u threatening me izzit ? did i say anything bout touching him in any of my posts ? then like that if he kena whack by other ppl i dont know also my fault meh ?

2008-06-09T01:36:00.001+08:00

bored bored boreddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ~

2008-06-08T16:59:00.002+08:00

dont know why the fuck so many ppl helping HIM sia . is like im not even in the wrong lorh . wtf lurh . just now went audi then this !@#$%& . argh . dulan bodoh .anw , ytd didnt go home . then my sis called me . lols . ar im bored . going west coast ltr then go market . x.x

2008-06-07T12:46:00.003+08:00

A _ _ _ D , can u fucking stop telling ppl that im horny ? pls lorh . u were the 1 who's horny , and u go ard telling ppl u brk with me cause im too horny ? what fucking reason is that ? wan brk ask girl act as ur gf brk with me . no balls larh u . u want u come talk to me face to face , dont go ard telling ppl things that aint true . tell so many ppl im horny . u told me ur ex was horny too . so i suppose every single 1 of ur ex is horny ? and the reason for breaking up is always the same ? cause the girl is horny ? hahs . what a joke . first , u told huimin im horny , then joanne , then now kristi ? how many more ppl did u tell eys ? u can spread all u want lurh . all i know is that ure a fucing lier , who only knows how to lie . u say wad u kill ur father then go boys home 2 yrs ? pls lurh . ur father died of heart attack lorh . u went in boys home is cause ur mum send u in and cause of a bar of chocolate also . tell me lj things . say ppl horny . i bet all of ur ex , mostly not horny wan . is u horny then play their feelings . play enough liao , ppl ask u , u say is cause she horny . make till like all her fault like that . FUCK U . u think girls are toys for u ? grow up leh . ure 18 alr , still want be hongster . wtf is this sia . hongkan larh u . nbcb . fucking bastard . _l_

2008-06-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

yayyy . com finally okay liao . :DD ty alex . hahas . anw , there's a impostor tagging on my tagboard . and , i lost my hp and changed number . want number ask me thru msn . ((:
tired alr . off to slp ~

2008-05-22T18:00:00.001+08:00

MIA .COM SPOILT . will post when i go lan or ppl's hse . :D loves all .

2008-05-22T17:51:00.003+08:00

dont know what the fuck is wrong . he keep treating me like that . trust him ? maybe i will . cant he have lesser gans ? wth larh . fucking dulan . fucked up . ppl tell me not to get upset cause of a guy . i know how to say ppl , but dont know how to it myself . so contridicting eys ? lols . is he tiongxim to me ? i have no idea . that day he went his gan mei's house cause she broke up wif her stead . go pei her nvm lurh . but at least tell me he going her hse marh . until his friend told me he went to his gan mei hse , i also dont know sia . and he even lied to me saying he want to slp alr . want go girl hse tell me lurh . i wont say anything marh . hais . i want him to care about me , is it so wrong ? isnt it what steads are supposed to be ? D: sms him he reply also reply short short nia . and when i dont msg him , he wont msg me either . wth is this sia . hais . today his off day , he didnt msg me for 1 whole day . he said he want to rest at home today . its okay if he's tired , but at least msg me ? that time when his prepaid low , i msg him even though i know i will get no reply from him . at least he knows i care about him . but me ? i everyday think think think . idk whats wrong . its sad lurh . seriously sad . i confused . what does he want ?? ppl say he's flirt , i chose not to believe them . but now ? even though im trying to trust you , but can u at least give me some things to trust you ? if you continue like that , its difficult for me to trust you you know ? DDDD: i still love you , but do you ? you give me this feeling that you cant be bothered with me anymore . is it like that ? idk . treat me better can marh ? )):

2008-05-19T14:35:00.002+08:00

haiiiiiyahhh . i shall not go see baby's friendster . so many chabors . so many gans somemore . gan po , gan dar , gan dont know what lurh . still ask ppl want be gans anot . dont know want become what gans again . actually wanted give baby comment want , but since he so many chabor comment , so many gans , then forget it lurh . i dont want give alr . D: got stead alr still like that . have gans nvm but at least put a gan in front marh . gan mei dont need lurh . others put a gan in front can anot sia . zzz . im not those kind who dont allow you to have gans , but i dont have so many also lorh . mine all gan kor gan di or girls lai de . yours leh ? haiyah . nvm i dont want cause of this then quarrel with you . )):

2008-05-18T19:46:00.002+08:00

omg .
i want that red psp ! so chioooooooo ! x.x why cant i be rich ? D: haiyahhhhh . i want it i want it i want it . but its impossible lurh . i know . =.= i want so many things , but alot all only can dream about it nia . lols . ):
my tongue is fucking pain . and i dont know why . hahs .

2008-05-18T07:30:00.001+08:00

long long time no post eys ? my com siao wan . always for nth restart . so will be updating lesser till my com is okay . (:
fucking low blood pressure or low blood count . whatever shit . why must i have it ? fucking irritating lorh . everytime for nth want faint want faint then giddy . hais . hate that feeling lurh . it sucks larh . seriously . then dont know why i very easy get blue black want . abit abit only also can blue black . D:
BABY ! got girl feed you eat again arh , i really go slap her hurh . x.x walaooo . how can like that anyhow feed ppl boyfriend want !@#$%^ hmphx !

2008-05-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

i dont feel well . not at all . D: i meant physically .

omggg . i feel sick .
why i feeling so giddy ? T.T want vomit again . omfg lurhhhh . is it at playgrd there bang my head till like that ? arrrrrrrrrrrrr . my head very pain also . stupid lurhhh . why will so giddy de ? machiam cannot walk . walk alr will faint . zzz . the world is spinningggggggg ~ wheeeeeee ~
arrr i hate my fucking head . i want to chop it off lurh .
my head is pain , my neck is pain , my kunckle is pain , i think im having flu too . )):

2008-05-13T09:43:00.001+08:00

met baby today .
waited for 50mins . =.=''' nvm . im not angry alr . :D then aft that go void deck talk talk smoke smoke awhile , baby go work alr . that waited for him 4hrs+ like that wif his bro . aft work baby bought sushiiiii . x) then went coffee shop sit sit . then things happen . shall not mention . anw , its settled alr . yahs then went baby hse nearby there . i vomited . zzz . i also dont know why . then then his friends bring kfc for us . hahas . but didnt feel like eating . hehs . ate 1 whipped potato . baby so cute lorh . keep kena force to eat . >.< then went some place slack . aft a while his friends went home alr . left me and him . then went to buy cigg .
his friend came back too . surprised urh . hahs . i sit there fold heart fold stars then sort of like never care baby like that dui bu qi . im going to say alot of srys from here on . even though baby doesnt like me to say sry . i cannot think of anything else to say except sry . ahhh . x.x then baby "slp" there on his chair . call him he dont want care also . then got abit dulan lurh . so sit at the side there keep smoke non stop . lols . then felt like vomiting AGAIN , went to the side the grass there . squat there . zzz . then baby walked off . i dont know go where , dont know what happen . so was sort of angry lurh . then cause his bro say he might be at the bus stop or the hse downstairs there . so went to have a look lorh . but he not there . i really thought baby went home and left me there sia . then think till pekchek go punch the pole and the wall . punch till got blood . stupid lurh . i know .
aft that baby came back his hse downstairs . his heart pain i think . i also not sure . sry baby for not showing you concern urh . really very very sry . at that time i only know i was angry at you for pangseh-ing me at the coffee shop . went playgrd sit sit then close my eyes . rested awhile then woke up . saw baby clenching his heart there then xin ruan . suddenly like not so angry liao . become more of worried . went beside him then he held my hand . omg lorh . i was kind of scared sth would happen to him lei . he look so in pain . then i couldnt do anything to help . ): then he cannot breath i also didnt know what to do . hais . im a useless gf . then aft that baby slp awhile suddenly sit up again then i thought he slping sia . then see him sit there never lie down . wanted let him lie on my leg . but he forced himself not to lie down . baby angry with me lorh . T.T then i tried to make him tell me why then my head bang the playgrd stairs . damn pain bodoh . btu baby like dont care like that . sad lorhhhh . then got stomachache also till very jialad . baby also like never care . super sadddddddddd .
i didnt know why he was angry , until his bro left .
baby , i dont like your bro . i love you only . you you you ! and no baby , youre not important . youre very important ! i do care about you . just that when i was walking that time , anger got over me . im really truely sry .
aft that baby send me go bus stop wait for bus go amk hub i take bus home . baby you sick and so tired somemore . i wont blame you for not sending me home . (: anw , at the bus stop that time , missed a bus . i stare at space for very long then suddenly ... T.T haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis . then baby like not so angry me alr , still hold my hand . but hold till the knuckle there . got blue black and blood . then pain . i bu xiao xin let him know . haiyahhhhhhh . then i say i fall down want . but obviously its not lurh . so i sort of lied to baby . baby sry lurh . i know you dont like ppl lie to you . but i dont want ltr you see liao , you know alr then angry with me marh . sry sry sry sry . baby dont angry alr can ? )):
i know you dont like me say sry . but really sry . when your heart was pain , i didnt care for you . instead , i let my anger took over the concern . im sry baby . this post alot of srys . all saying to you de . i dont want baby angry alr . D: i want baby happy happy de . baby , i want , i hope , i wish . ahhh . i just WANT us to last for a very very long time . even until we get married next time . maybe its abit too far . but , thats what i hope lurh . dont know if it will come true anot . wish that it will bah .
baby i love you . x33333333333333
anw , think you wont be reading this so soon . cause youre slping alr ! baby arh . sick must rest more kay . want me pei you go see doc marh ? baby take care leh . must get well fast fast okay ?! (:
baby dont angry alr urh ? you angry i sad lurh . you dont care me i even more sad . you push me away , im super duper sad . dont like that again ke yi ma ? D: got anything just tell me lurh . i wont fa pi qi at you for nth wan .
baby ily ily ily !!

2008-05-11T14:28:00.011+08:00

ytd's pics . :D

2008-05-11T01:30:00.001+08:00

okay . today went town wif lani girlfriend ! love love ! x3333333
we met at bunk . i reached 1st lurh . lols . saw alot of ppl . miss them alot sia . so long never see them alr . x.x hahas . saw candy , xiaoleen , babyleen dear , huimin strawberry and my long long long time no contact woshijrjr korkor . x) hehs . then talk talk smoke smoke while waiting for girlfriend . then xiaoleen and candy say benson they all coming bunk . LOL . yahh . then girlfriend came . saw benson they all once inside bunk . then they went dont know where . 0.o then go bunk walk walk awhile , we went off . wanted walk go cine alr . then suay suay ! saw benson they all . wth right ? okay nvm then we went buy donut . THANKS GIRLFRIEND ! for your donut . love you lots lots . then went walk walk . bought a small small piglet then girlfriend bought a small eeyore . hehs . went up arcade . saw bryan , jane they all . then me and girlfriend went off to bugis . so pekchek lorh ! cannot say reason . hahs .
then went coffee shop there meet her brother . the world is so small lorh ! turned out her brother's friend is my sister's ex's brother's ex . complicated . but anw sort of linked together lurh . hahas . small small singapore . exchanged number with them then went simei find korkor . :D reach simei alr i dont know toilet at where . thanks ariel for bringing me . x)
aft that she went bus stop wait for bus i take cab go his house . walao this taxi driver hor , want go back tpy . ask him take me go nearby also dont want . he got money dont want earn . wth . then took this other cab . uncle so funny . but hes nice too . cab fare was 3.80 ask him 3 bucks can anot . he say 3 bucks can alr . so fucking nice lorh . other cab driver sure kpkb want lorh . say no money dont take cab , blah blah blah . then reach his house there . talk talk smoke smoke halfway urh , benson suddenly msg mi . wth . say wad change my maple pw , arbo tio hack dont blame him . zzz . only he and me know pw lorh . if not him i hack my own acc meh ? =.= so aft that i went home .
paiseh carol ! x.x i lazy go sengkang . cause my leg wear high heels pain also lurh . sry sry . nxt time kay ? really sry .
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! my leg so fucking pain . knn . so many blisters . )):
AND ! I HATE MY FUCKING COM . sry if i talk to you on msn suddenly gone . confirm is my com auto restart again . always like that one . dont know why also . zzz .
ohoh , btw , he's finding gf in audi ! omg ! LOL ! guess what ? i dont care ! x)

2008-05-10T13:16:00.002+08:00

bloody love .

yays ! silent break silent break ! :x for some reason im not sad lorh . at least i think so . idk lurh ! dont want to think about it anymore . so currently , im single but attached ? LOL ! love is BLOODY ! it makes ppl get hurt every single time . love starts out sweet but ends up getting hurt . why is it like this ey ? why cant love be forever , everlasting ? is it so difficult ? its sad lorh . for relationships to end up like that . not gonna fall in love again ! x.x for now lurh . unless a really great guy comes along , then perhaps bah . (:
omg lurh ! its saturday leh ! and im at home ! how can like that ?! ahhh ! i almost every saturday also go out want leh ! D: somebody jio me out !!!!!!!! T.T

2008-05-09T15:39:00.000+08:00

pics with ahkor . :D

2008-05-09T12:28:00.002+08:00

so i found out he wanted to break up . its okay . cause i want to break up too . :D whats the point of having such a bf ? no point eys ? okay anw , i take it as silent break lorh . i dont careeeeeeeeee .
oh no pics yet urh . ah kor havent upload the pics . lols . i shall post pics when he uploads them . ytd went bedok inter there pei ahkor eat . actually is watch him eat . hehs . aft that went tampines safra play pool . damn shit lorh my pool . shitty SHIT . :x
then superboy smsed me with another number cause his hp no money . superboy cheer up okays ? dont like that urh . i will worry wan kays ? anw , i dont think you'll be reading this . hahas .

2008-05-08T16:49:00.003+08:00

went xiaocao ahkor's hse to ton ytd . talked about alot of things . he , like alot alot other ppl , want me to become guai . i alr very guai liao ey ! only smoke marh . not only i 1 girl got smoke . D: okay so anw , at first afternoon was supposed to go counseling . then they last minute go change the time . zzz . so i went to meet kor first cause he live so near . simei nia ! now then i know sia . hehs . then aft that take cab chiong go st anthonys . aft counselling met kor again , went tampines safra play pool . there the uncle so cute sia ! LOL . oh and ! the food there is damn damn damn expensive . went playground slack slack awhile then went his hse alr lorh . his hse so big bodoh ! hahas . then went there the swimming pool play play . hahas . he wanted teach me how to swim but ever since that time i almost drowned , i scared liao . x.x lols .
and , thanks to all those ppl who ask me to cheer up . i will try to cheer up de . ((: must take time lurh . hahs .

2008-05-07T14:30:00.000+08:00

i just found out he broke up with me in audi last night .
does this mean break ? fuck . why cant you tell me directly what you want ? everytime i ask you , u refuses to ans . wtf is this lurh . zzz . i feel like im being played lorh . nnb . machiam i very despo for u like that . not like i cant find a bf if you dont want me lorh ! ): i just dont want to end my relationship just like that . hais .
then ltr going new sch for counselling somemore . sian jitpua .

2008-05-06T22:09:00.002+08:00

haiiiiis .
what to do ey ? i dont know what to do . ): i dont want to break with him . but i dont know why is he treating me like that . T.T why must do this to me . i know you wont tell me anything . nvm bah . when you feel like talking to me and be back like before , maybe you'll contact me ? hahs . maybe cause of exams , youre stress bah . i have no idea eys ? why ? cause you dont tell me anything . yes , im sad . but what can i do ? i cant force you to care about me , i cant force you to treat me like last time . do you want to break ? if you want to , i will respect your decision , even though i dont want to break . i'll still be treating you as my stead , until the day , you tell me you want to break up with me . must take care of yourself lurh . i still love you .

2008-05-05T23:18:00.001+08:00

u suck lurhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !
nbcb .
guys are just pure bastards . ):
most of them .

2008-05-05T12:38:00.002+08:00

hais .
why are you like this ? what did i do ? i did nth wrong eys ? i ask you if you got another girl , u told me yaya . is it true ? i dont fucking know okay . ask you want brk is it , you also dont want reply . then what you want me to do ? fucked up larh . walao eh . cant you just talk properly with me ? i just want to know what is happening . ): is that wrong too ?

2008-05-04T12:08:00.000+08:00

i havent been slping well since that day . T.T i can slp for 2hrs and wake up for no reason . hais . whats wrong with me .
baby . you havent talk to me for 1 whole day . not even replying my sms . i called you but you didnt pick up the phone . hais . are you avoiding me or sth ? cant you just be like last time ? u used to msg me every morning when you wake up and every night before you slp . but now ? you dont even bother anymore . ):
i told myself to be strong . im gonna be a strong girl . but , im not strong . im also a girl who wants love and care from my boyfriend .
fuck loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee ! x/3
my heart is such a fucking weak body part of mine and i hate it !@#$%^&

2008-05-03T18:40:00.000+08:00

everytime you leave me alone , my heart breaks once . x/3

friday went chambers wif mingliang and didi . then at night supposed ton with them but i go krislan find my stead then sort of pangseh-ed them . paisehhhh . x.x my hp no batt that day . i thot u all will go in find mi . bee , i doubt u'll be reading my blog anyway . cause you dont have the link . wheres my 1mth present ? D:
baby , you know something ? i slept for only 2hrs . i dont know why . maybe is cause of ytd bah . hais . i just want more care and concern from you . is that too much to ask for ? i just want to know more about you . is that wrong too ? im your girlfriend eys ? u can tell me , so ? since im your girlfriend , why wont you tell me anything ? everytime i ask , u refuse to tell me . hais . i want to know things about you . you are my boyfriend . maybe you think all these are not important . but can you think for me also ? when you dont reply my msges , refuse to pick up my phone , its so hurting inside . you know that cause of you , thats why the blue black is there ? cause u didnt reply my msg , didnt ans my call , i was scared that you would be like my ex , not replying msg , not answering phone calls , and poof ! broke up . i dont want the same thing to happen again . you understand ? i want a long lasting relationship , not those short short ones . im sick of short short relationships . im no longer a hongster , and i hope youre also not 1 alr . or are you still a hongster ? i have no idea .
u gave my kor your word that you wont break up with me . but i dont want to be just your girlfriend in name only . i want to be the 1 whom your heart is with , the 1 whom u can share all your secrets with , the 1 whom you can always go to when youre down and unhappy .ytd , i was so fucked up . i didnt know what is going on . i want to know , but you just dont wanna tell me . so what am i supposed to do ? just act as if nothing happened ? im sorry , i cant . can you treat me like your girlfriend ?
i promised myself i wont cry cause of a guy . again and again , i promised . but again and again , i broke my promise . im so useless . why are those guys that i want to be serious with always make me cry ? when i asked you to promise me you wont do this ever again , u actually said nobody can control you from doing what you want . yeah , youre right , nobody can control you . but why must you do this to me ? why are you treating me like im a nobody to you ?
did i do anything wrong ? if i did , why dont you just tell me ? i rather u tell mi right in my face than like that . bee , i really wonder sometimes , do you still love me ? do you have another girl ? thats why youre treating me this way ? maybe im stupid for thinking this way , maybe you will even be angry at me for not trusting you . but u cant blame me completely right ? the way you talk to me , the way you treat me , its so cold . it really makes me wonder ...
u see me laughing with you , joking ard with you , but do you know deep inside , i have so much questions to ask you ? questions that i know you wont answer at all . but for 1 thing i know for sure , is that i love u and i miss u fucking lot .
im feeling terrible . T.T and bee , u know sth ? the reason why i smoke red de even though i hate it , its cause im stressed up , fucked up , cause of ytd .

2008-05-02T15:00:00.000+08:00

happy 1mth bee . i love u . (:

but bee . can u treat me better ?
can u care more about me ?
i feel like u dont care lorh . hais .
maybe its not u dont care .
maybe is u dont know how to show it ?
i dont know . i dont feel good u know ?
i bet u dont bah .
i cant feel the care and concern u know ?
the way u talk to me . makes me wanna cry . hais .
everytime abit abit then kup my fone .
i dont know whats wrong also . did i do anything wrong ?
yes , i may seem strong in front of u .
but behind u ? do u know ?
no . do u know i feel hurt deep inside ? i dont think so .
im always laughing and playing in front of u .
i look happy in front of u , dont i ?
but bee , u dont know . u just dont .
u dont know , u dont understand , the hurt and pain that im feeling .
the feeling of confused , of wanting to cry . why ?
why are u treating me this way .
i dont know how am i gonna write the card later . ):

2008-04-30T17:55:00.000+08:00

long long time never post alr . hahas .
finally finish folding my hearts . for baby's bday and out 1mth de . hehs . fold till my finger all red red siol . lols . friday our 1mth alr . :DD then celebrating his bday oso . didnt expect to finish folding my hearts so fast sia . i thot will take 2 days or sth . :x hahas . still got the small small card and wrapping to do . but nvm . friday then give him . still got time. ((:
hahs okay . shall post again nxt time .

2008-04-13T16:51:00.000+08:00

ahhhh !
why cant i seem to forget him ? ):
haiiiiiis . i feel so bad siol . idk wad to do .
and . my sch howww ? i also dont know . i wanna go to sch n get my o lvls . why cant the schs in tampines just fucking take me in ? nabei . 1 more student only what . will die arh ? kanina . i wan go get my o lvls also got wrong arh ? _l_
zzz . im going crazy lurhhhh .
okay im tired . byebye . :D

2008-03-28T15:44:00.000+08:00

ahhhh .
just pierced my tongue . x.x
cant believe it sia . i thought i wont ever dare to pierce siol . still abit stunned . hahas . went queensway pierce with lani . thanks jane for helping me pierce though i keep screaming . hahas . paiseh urh . i too scared alr . lols .
anw , i cant believe i still miss him lorh . hais . ):
ar short post . dont know what to blog abt . hahas .

2008-03-25T09:38:00.000+08:00

its been 14 days since he left .
im alright now , i guess . some ppl are just heartless ppl lorh . help him before , when i have probs did he help me ? at all ? no . hahs . then on msn , keep saying i pester my ex . fuck off . get it ? fuck off . nabei pua cheebye ! im not someone to let you vent your anger on okay . owe me money still wan talk so much . knn . i never even pester you for my money back lorh . _l_

2008-03-20T12:30:00.000+08:00

i wonder ,
will i wait until the day when he asks me for patch ?
will that day ever come ?
even though i told myself i wont think about it anymore , but everytime i see the piggy soft toy on my bed that i hug to sleep every single day , i will miss him fucking lot . hais . what shd i do ? i wanna wait for him . but im scared . im afraid that i'll be waiting for nth . how ? im scared to love again . ):
anw , these few days keep meeting mu tou JIEJIE . LOL . but my jie is a guy . :O hahas . then that fucker who owes me 15 bucks , refuses to return . he dont wanna on his phone either . walao . owe money dont want return de . fuck lorh . say alr also dulan . ccb .
i miss himmmmmmmm . ahhhhhhhhhh . T.T

2008-03-16T14:20:00.000+08:00

why did it end up this way ?

im feeling super down . i know things dont always go the way we want , and will always have bao ying . but isnt this abit too much ? its too much for me to handle . i dont wanna feel any hurt anymore . i've changed . im no longer a hongster , i dont play guys anymore . just as i became tiongxim , this happened . hais . why cant things be like last time again ? no , i wont force you or what . i know relationship this kind of thing cant be forced .
no matter what happens , i'll be there for you . even though you might not tell me anything , cause afterall , im not your stead anymore . its okay . i accept it . but accepting it doesnt mean that i can just let go like that . its not so easy you know ? though i hope that 1 day , we might patch , but if it wont make you happy , its okay .
i just want you to be happy . if you can find a better girl , go ahead . i'll wish you all the best . because i know , loving someone doesnt mean i have to have him . if youre happy , i will be happy for you too . even if youre gonna stead with another girl and not me , i wont make you come back to me whatsoever . just do what you like and do what makes you happy . i'll be here waiting for the day when you come back to me . if it wont happen , i'll always remember those happy moments with you . those memories will always stay in my heart .

2008-03-16T10:08:00.000+08:00

hais .
5 days alr . will miracle happen ? ):
i want him back in my life . he even dlted me on friendster . why ?? T.T
what am i supposed to do . i really dont know . can someone teach me ??

2008-03-13T14:25:00.000+08:00

if only , time can just turn back .
if only , 1 day you'll call me and ask me for patch .
if only , we will be forever .
if only , you didnt break your promise .
hais . i want to be with you again . why cant we be together ? you said your feeling for me are still here . then why cant we be together ? all those no time and you treat me very bad . those are all excuses . if u have no time and you really love me , you can always find time for me . i dont mind going to find you even though we will be meeting for a very short while . at least , we're together . all those lies about you not gonna break with me . u swear urhs ? if u ever break with me i can go ard spreading youre a promise breaker and find how many ppl to whack you also can eys ? hahaha . you know i wont do that . you said i was too good for you . is it wrong to treat my own stead good ? huh ? is it ? if dont treat stead good , what for stead ? stead and treat him bad ? you said you will never ever break with me , unless i got no feelings for you anymore . all lies right ? i chose to stupidly believe you even though i know these promises cannot be trusted . im stupid ? yes i know . im stupid cause of you , cause of love . because of you , i changed from a hongster to tiongxim . and just because my friendster still put hnd doesnt mean im still a hongster . just because im still in hongster never die doesnt mean im 1 . even after we break , you brother still talked to me on msn , saying im hongster and all that . as if he hated me alot liddat . i really dont know what did i do wrong . hais . the things you promised , you broke them 1 by 1 . u said we may patch next time . is it possible ? hahs . no i dont think so . why am i sad ? why am i thinking about this ? i also dont know . i know im fucking stupid to be sad cause of a guy AGAIN . i promised myself not to cry for a guy alr . but ...
i never cried in front of any of my ex when they broke up with me . i only cried after they hang up the phone . but this time , i cried on the phone when he said break . i dont fucking know why . i talked to him while crying . why ??? hais . he wont know how i feel and he wont be reading this anw .
i just want to know what was the real reason for breaking with me . and i want him to know how much i miss him . ):

2008-03-11T05:25:00.000+08:00

hais .
really brk alr . T.T i want him back into my life . okay , i know i sound despo . but , i really want him back ! he says he got no time for me . better to brk . whyyyyy ?? will we ever patch back . i really want you back . ): i'll do anything to have you back . all those lies . you said you wont ever brk with me . in the end ? u still broke up with me . your beautiful lies . why cant you keep your promise ?? my life is fucked up .

2008-03-09T14:51:00.000+08:00

whats happening ?
you normally not like that one . why these few days suddenly never contact me ? at least tell me whats happening ? hais . i dont know what am i feeling now , i just feel very luan inside . T.T can you save me from my misery ?
dear . i love you !!

2008-03-09T06:31:00.000+08:00

can you dont let me go ? not ever ?

boyfriend . whats happening ? why are you like so cold towards me ? did i do anything ? hais . why cant we be like last time eys ? waiting for your calls , waiting for you to tell me what time are we meeting . im human too . im a girl . just like any other normal girls . i maybe appear to be strong whatsoever , but deep inside , the hurt and pain im feeling . who will know ? who will understand ? i may not show my emotions out . but it doesnt mean that i dont have feelings you know ? i really want this relationship to last forever . you promised you will never break up with me . however these few days , the way that you treat me makes me feel that you no longer care about me . it makes me feel as if youre going to break with me soon . maybe im thinking too much , you might say . yes , thats possible . have you ever thought why am i thinking too much ? perhaps is because of the insecurity youre giving me ? im scared dear . im scared that you will leave me soon . am i not treating you good enough ? am i not good enough for you ? or is it something that i did ? i know , im being paranoid . but i have a reason to be ! not contacting me ? no reply of smses ? what does it mean ? gives me the idea that you wanna silent break with me you know ? ur call ytd never came . i waited and waited . in the end ? no calls , nothing from you . feel asleep ? perhaps . so who am i in your heart ? how important am i to you ? i have no idea . can YOU tell me ? no ? so im supposed to not care about how you treat me and act as if nothing happened ? is that possible ? you tell me ? you dont know ? i can tell you , no its not possible . why am i thinking so much u may think . why not ? i love you , thats why im thinking so much and so worried . i dont know whats happening . boyfriend , you promised we would go out on friday . why promise me if you cant do it ? i dont want empty promises alright ? i want promises that you can fulfill . can you do that ? i miss you a lot . do you know that ? do you miss me ? i dont know . i can only say i miss you a lot . and i love you a lot too .
5 more days ?

2008-03-08T17:55:00.000+08:00

okayyy .
so he was slping for 2 whole days . but thats not an excuse for not contacting me . cant he at least tell me or sth ? and yeah anw , he said he gonna call me ltr . from 6+ till now ? call me ltr eys ? call ltr become no need call ? i dont know why . but i feel that he doesnt care about me anymore . perhaps its not how it seems , but why do i feel this way ? i have no fucking idea . ):