Monday, September 21, 2009
idk whats happening between us . ever since that day when u went for songka last min . i dont blame u cause i understand and i know that its not ur fault . but there's this feeling that cant be described . i have to find ppl to accompany me last min . then when i was like happy to meet u at raiders alr , u told me tml's sentosa u cant go and u told me to go with ur friends . i know thats important and u can skip it but i dont really know ur friends and dont really have anything to talk to them about . wouldnt it be weird if i went with them ? then that night , u told me u were going to find ur friend awhile before going bee's hse for mahjong . but ended up tonning there and couldnt go for mahjong . i wanted to go mahjong not cause i wanted to gamble . i wanted to release all my frustrations on mahjong , but i didnt even get the chance to do that . i didnt mean to show any attitude that day . i just didnt want to talk . i was afraid that if i really did talk , i'll shout at u or sth . i ate that big tub of icecream to cool myself down too , but i guess its all still stuck inside all bottled inside me .
the nxt day , we both couldnt wake up to go out so we stayed at home the whole day . it was until at midnight , when i was hungry , suddenly u told me we were going to grandlink . it was like so far and i didnt plan to go so far . i still have to go back tamp the nxt day for my sister's birthday . then u told me wont be too late . in the end we reached amk at 6plus . by the time we were slping it was 7plus , 8 plus alr . when we were at grandlink , i had a bit of gastric alr . i think u didnt know yeah ? then when we were slping , u said some things . i think u should know what im talking abt . maybe im paranoid or sth . but im a girl and those things that happened previously , it hadnt completely gotten off my mind . it still lingers in my mind . saying those things will only make me think abt it again . hais .
went back to tamp bringing all my things back the nxt day , for my sister's birthday . thanks baby for buying the present for my sister . thought u were going for the dinner with me when u told me u're going tamp with me . but in the end u told me u're not going . even when my mum asked me to call u come for dinner , u refused . its not that i wanna blame u or anything . but just that , if i can go ur hse and talk to ur mum all that , why cant u ? she's my mum . as a girl's mum , it's natural for her to be curious and wants to talk to her boyfriend . and u thought i was giving u some kind of attitude ...
i dont want to either . its just that i keep bottling everything inside cause i dont wanna quarrel . i thought that by keeping everything inside , nothing will happen . little did i know that by doing that , im just making us drift apart . sometimes its not that i dont wanna tell u how i feel . perhaps its because i want u to figure it out yourself ? or perhaps its because i dont know how to say it out bah ...
just now u went back amk for some meeting , u told me u'll msg me aft the meeting . but aft 3hrs , then u msged me . i thought u were at meeting for 3hrs so i asked u , to think that u talked to me in such a pekcek tone . u went to eat aft meeting and u didnt msg me to tell me anything . hais . then u went sengkang . u told me u werent going to ton but u were still at sengkang at 2am . u told me u were going to take the last bus back . but ... hais . when i msged u , u replied and stop replying halfway . i dont even know what u're doing outside , dont know if u're at home alr , dont know if u've eaten , idk anything ...
hais , im having headache now but i cant slp ):
dont wanna cry anymore ....
4:12 AM